Slow Jam the News with Senator Kamala Harris

Slow Jam the News with Senator Kamala Harris

-Last week was the third
Democratic debate,
where 10 presidential hopefuls
went head-to-head.
You know, I was actually going
to make a joke about this story,
but I don’t think
it needs a joke.
I think it needs
to be slow jammed.
You know what
I’m talking about, Tariq?
-Yeah, Jimmy.
I think you’re saying
you want to slow jam this news.
-That’s right.
I want to slow jam the news,
and I’m not the only one.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, hello.
I am Senator Kamala Harris,
and I, too, would like
to slow jam this news.
-Well, hit me six times!
-During last week’s debate,
I told the American people
why I’m running for president.
I’m a public servant,
a civil-rights leader,
and the second African-American
woman in history
to be elected
to the United States Senate.
[ Cheers and applause ]
At the core of my campaign
is my 3:00 a.m. agenda,
my plan to solve the issues
that keep Americans up at night.
I’ll implement
healthcare for all
and even give middle-class
families $500 a month
right in their pockets.
And let me tell you something,
I’m just getting started.
-Oh, yeah.
Kamala Harris
is just heatin’ up.
She’s thinkin’ about you
late at night when you’re trying
to put that sweet restless body
of yours to bed.
Is that $500 in your pocket
or are you just happy
your healthcare is free?
With Kamala, it’s both.
-♪ Ever since Barack left,
we’ve been off track ♪
♪ But Kamala is trying
to get us back to black ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now, here’s a question for you,
Kamala Cabello.
[ Laughter ]
This country’s got a whole lot
of hot-button issues
that we can touch on.
But what’s the first thing
we need to do
to give us all some relief?
-Well, let me start
by saying this.
Climate change
is the single greatest threat
facing our world today.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That’s why I’m committed
to passing a Green New Deal,
creating clean jobs,
and finally putting an end
to fracking once and for all.
-Mmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Mamala Kamala
just don’t give a frack.
She took a good look at Mother
Earth and decided it’s a MILF.
A Mother I’d Like to Fix.
[ Laughter ]
-♪ The planet is a MILF now ♪
♪ All right ♪
-All right.
-♪ When it comes to climate,
she’s a real front-runner ♪
♪ She’s heatin’ up like
it’s still hot girl summer ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I like the way you work it,
K. Higgity.
But I gotta ask.
Lately this country
has been so divided,
sleeping on opposite sides
of the bed.
Why do you think we can’t all
just come together?
-Well, it’s my opinion
that we need a president
who fights for the best
of who we are.
And over the past three years,
Donald Trump has done
the exact opposite.
-Hold up.
So what you’re trying to say
is that Trump’s the bad guy?
-Now, tell me this, Kama Kama
Kama Kama Kamala Harris.
By now, we’ve seen the Democrats
get down and dirty
on the debate stage.
What about debating
President Trump?
Do you think
you could deliver the goods
against the
commander in cheese puff?
-Well, Jimmy,
if I do debate President Trump,
I’m sure it’ll be
a competitive faceoff
where either one of us
could end up on top.
-No. I’d wipe
the floor with him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, all right.
One last tango in Harris
before this interview’s over.
Now, we’ve got an audience
jam-packed with college students
here tonight.
So what would you tell
these curious coeds
that you haven’t already?
-Well, just that together,
we can create the America
we believe in.
We can uplift
vulnerable communities,
and we can finally recognize
that crippling student-loan debt
is a burden on all of us.
That’s why we need
to make college debt-free
for every American to attend.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, that’s someone who knows
how to play to a college crowd.
Well, guess what.
Two can play at that game.
Oh, yeah.
White Claw fall.
-Jimmy. Jimmy.
Uh, do less.
-♪ Kamala just dropped
a bomb-a-la ♪
-It’s time for a leader
who leads with their heart.
-We must stand together,
or we’ll all fall apart.
-♪ The nation is down,
but we can rebound ♪
♪ The future is female,
and her time is now ♪
♪ This girl is on fire,
don’t step on the fuse ♪
-And that is how
we slow jam the news.
-Oh, yeah.
-Give it up for
Senator Kamala Harris!
[ Cheers and applause ]

100 thoughts to “Slow Jam the News with Senator Kamala Harris”

  1. What they think is going to happen: "I'll make myself likable, and I'll seem like I'm cool."
    What actually happens: "How do you do, fellow kids?"

  2. It’s so annoying that people keep attacking Kamala for doing HER JOB AS A PROSECUTOR. She was following the law and was literally following the description of her position in our government. Being a president is completely different than being a prosecutor.

  3. The reason our country is so great is because of capitalism. In ANY form of government or society, there will be people at the top of the food chain and people at the bottom. No matter how many laws you pass, how much money is spent or how many lies you tell. But as half of our citizens get lazier and dumber, they need something to blame it on instead of themselves. You quit high school, didn't go to college or learn a trade, got married and bought a house and car you can't afford on the wages you make at the lumber yard, had four kids you can't provide for and now your life is in the toilet. You are a loser and you want the life the winners have so your solution is socialism. Bring EVERYBODY down to your level so you can feel good about yourself.

  4. 5  fun facts = Democrat policies overall suck / they will raise your taxes sky high  / really screw up your health care  / the plastic tops at star bucks use more plastic than  the straws / Kamala Bologna is polling at 6%

  5. Kamala got on top years ago with Willie Brown…..Willie Browns willie that is. Her 3am “agenda”. Yup, Kamala ho’s everything to Willie Browns willie.

  6. Pile of shit liberal gash that used to suck willie off to get a head, than turns around and says women are victims…. no whirexus more like it! And fuck Fallon and the tonight show…

  7. This is why I don't want MSM TV. This is nothing more than DNC propaganda. Once upon a time late night "comedy" shows were actually about comedy.

  8. She is an incredible evil women
    Thinking any religious group or religion is statistic if they don't support her ideas
    The catholic church ( most helpful religion to the homeless) she doesn't like since they don't allow abortion or marry gay people
    This is America not communist russia I can think and believe A and you can think and believe B
    With America you can have freedom with Harrison u can have hell

  9. Kamala the cop harris boasting to be african american one second the next she indian/asian/ black immigrant….. ……..

    Back to black we would need a actual black candidate

  10. Kamala, please overhaul your campaign – start by firing your campaign manager. That climate forum vs fundraiser gaffe was unforgivable. No excuse for Yang to be beating you in your home state either (nothing against Yang).

  11. CLAPPING FOR HERSELF LIKE A TRAINED SEAL!!!!    STONED TO THE BONE!!!    BONGAFIED!!    SUPERFRIED!!     Kamaliar!!    Our LITTLE ANGRY WHITE JAMAICAN BITCH with the WORLDS WORSE CHICKEN NECK and PISS POOR SPRAY TAN!!    Fucked her way into politics!!   Smoked her way through the DA's Office!!!     CORRUPT LOSER!!     STONED ALL DAY LONG!!   LOOK AT HER EYES!!!    BAKED   BONGED   FRIED!!!    Willie Brown said she was a good SUCKER  and spent many hours on her knees working hard to get head…I mean ahead….THIS WHITE LOSER will tell all the BLACKS that she is one of them!!!   NO SHE IS NOT!!!     SHE IS PLAYING ALL THE BLACK FOLKS!!!    DON'T BE PLAYED!!!    RACIST  SOCIALIST   TAX RAISING    DOUCHEBAG!!!      TRUMP 2020      HARRIS NEVER!!!!

  12. There is nothing wrong with disliking and/or disagreeing with someone, but it is not necessary to be crass or to call them out of their name.

  13. Kamala, you're not the 2nd, there were quite a few before you….

  14. They didn't even mention news. Talked shit about Trump, mentioned she was Black and a Woman, and Climate change is dangerous. What news is there?

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