News Smash: Impeachment Trial, NFL Pro Bowl, Mr. Peanut Dies, Grammys

News Smash: Impeachment Trial, NFL Pro Bowl, Mr. Peanut Dies, Grammys

-Well, you guys,
it seems like there’s so much going on right now. The impeachment trial
is all over the news. The Grammy Awards
are this Sunday. The NFL Pro Bowl
is this weekend and we just found out
that Mr. Peanut is dead. [ Audience aws ]
There’s a lot to go over. Let’s just jump in
and cover it all at once. It’s time for a “News Smash.” ♪♪
[ Cheering and applause ] ♪♪
[ Applause ] First up, the impeachment trial. The Democrats made their case
for three days and, now, we’ll hear
from the president’s lawyers. The two sides are going
head-to-head, almost like they’re playing
in the Pro Bowl. [ Laughter ]
Players from the AFC and NFC will square off this Sunday
and everyone’s excited. It’s been a long,
grueling season, so the players tend
to play it safe because no body wants an injury,
especially to their Nuts. [ Laughter ]
Planters announced this week that their beloved mascot,
Mr. Peanut, is dead. Now, if you wanna see someone
rocking a top hat, monocle, cane, or some other
crazy outfit, you’ll have to tune in to the Grammys. Everyone will be
[ Laughter ] on the red carpet,
but not without controversy. A former employee says the whole
nominating process is rigged. If that’s true,
someone deserves to be Impeached. The Democrats
[ Laughter and applause ] presented a lot of evidence, but Republicans aren’t
turning on Trump. The chances of him actually
being removed from office seem Dead. Mr. Peanut
[ Laughter ] met his demise
after falling off a cliff. It is a sad day for nuts,
but a great day for Sacks. Hopefully,
[ Laughter ] there’ll be a lot of that
at the Pro Bowl in Orlando, which will cap off
the NFL’s 100th season. Also in its 100th season, the impeachment trial. [ Laughter and applause ] Trump claims what he did
with Ukraine was perfect. Democrats said
he did something wrong, but Trump seems to be feeling ♪ Good as hell ♪ [ Laughter ]
Lizzo is the most nominated artist
at the Grammys, thanks to her hit song
“Truth Hurts.” You know what else hurts? Not making the Super Bowl. [ Laughter ]
But that still doesn’t hurt as much as Being smashed into a pulp. [ Laughter ]
I know it’s just a PR stunt, but I hope whoever did this
gets caught and put on Trial. So, in conclusion,
[ Laughter ] let’s get ready to rock. Let’s get ready
to talk. Let’s get ready to yell. We’ll always remember your show. [ Laughter, cheering,
and applause ] [ Fresh cheering and applause ] Thank you very much. That’s right,
today it was the last day for Democrats to give
their opening arguments in Trump’s impeachment trial. And this is nice: At the end, all the House managers
got up and sang Green Day’s “Time of Your Life.” [ Laughter ] ♪ Something unpredictable ♪ ♪ And in the end it’s right ♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
No. Democrats — Clearly,
we didn’t rehearse that. [ Laughter ]
Thank you, Roots. I don’t know who was more
off, me or you. [ Laughter ] I know it was me. [ Laughter ]
Now that the Democrats are done, Republicans will start their
opening statements tomorrow and Trump’s already complaining that his defense will start
on a Saturday. He tweeted that Saturday is
“Death valley in T.V.” [ Laughter ] Trump could get removed
from office and he’s complaining
about ratings. [ Laughter ]
It’s like when Nixon
famously said… [as Nixon] I’ll resign,
but I want “Happy Days” as my lead-in.
[ Laughter ] Check this out: I read that
Las Vegas is no longer using its famous slogan,
“What happens here stays here.” They’ve already come up
with a new slogan: “What happens here gets posted
on Instagram and you’re fired.” [ Laughter ] This isn’t good. I read
about a grandmother in San Diego who was just caught
with 200 pounds of meth. [ Audience oohs ]
Friends knew something was up when she was playing
50 Bingo cards at once. [ Rapid tapping ] [ Laughter ] Well — [ Fresh laughter ] [ Rapid tapping ]
No, thank you. Sorry. [ Laughter and applause ]
It was already still happening
in my brain, yeah. That’s like me
with Whac-A-Mole, yeah. Well, it’s the end
of another crazy week and, since there’s
too much to talk about, instead of giving you
a full week in review, we decided to put together
a little montage that just focuses on the
keywords used this week. It’s something we call
“This Week in Words.” [ Cheering and applause ]
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ Congress, witness,
House, subpoena ♪ ♪ Planters has killed off
Mr. Peanut ♪ ♪ Chiefs and the 9ers ♪ ♪ Raiders, switches ♪ ♪ Brad and Jen ♪ ♪ I’m back, bitches! ♪ ♪ Democrat, Republican,
rank-and-file ♪ ♪ President Trump’s
impeachment trial ♪ ♪ That I can get in trouble? ♪ ♪ What did I say? ♪ ♪ He was self-impeaching ♪ ♪ Almost every single day ♪ ♪ Come on!
Controversial lawyers ♪ ♪ Blast from the past ♪ ♪ Ken Starr is terrific ♪ ♪ Ken Starr is a disaster ♪ ♪ So many things
you haven’t seen ♪ ♪ The way this baby looks
at ice cream ♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
-We have a great show!

88 thoughts to “News Smash: Impeachment Trial, NFL Pro Bowl, Mr. Peanut Dies, Grammys”

  1. Hi their Just Wanted To Say Have A Happy 2020 & Hope u reach your goals 🤩😁

    My Goal Is To Get 17k Subs But u know Probably Won’t Hit that😔

  2. The transitions smoother than Jimmy's forever clean shaven face, absolute gold!

    Side note, I'm trying to help folks of all ages make life gains from a career, education, family and social stand point. Help me grow my platform 🙂

  3. Democrats and lefties are fucked in the coming years. You got brexit, yellow vest, March for Life, rise of china ECT… The liberal world order is collaping hard yo. HAHAHAHAH 😂😂 😂

  4. Hey Fallon, can you please stop with [email protected]#$ing president jokes. I stopped watching you 2 years ago, randomly turned it on and you are STILL TALKING ABOUT PRESIDENT. I am sorry to tell you this, you and Kimmel suck now.

  5. Did they kill off Mr. Peanut or did they just fire him, because if he's looking for work there's definitely a nut job in the White House…

  6. I love Black Thought as an MC. He would be better off with a solo career. The Roots as a group is corny and wack for the most part. But dam G Black Thought is useless on this show😂 On and On and Onin😂


  8. The only late night show that although still feels politically biased like all the others, it’s just that it’s at least really humorous and not straight up mean.
    Although tbh there is so much more material to be exploited on the left-wing/Democrat party side…. holly hell, they’d be really successful

  9. Is it me, or does Jimmy actually look odd.
    His eyes and face look at bit swollen. I hope he is ok. I hope I just need new glasses

  10. If Joe Biden and his son were breaking the law by conspiring with a foreign government and withholding aid if they did not remove from office a man that was going to fire his son, then President Trump had all the right and in fact an obligation to investigate this possible illegal activity.

    How hard is this to understand?

    Taking what Trump did out of context adding your own made up motive to his actions then using your false narrative ( AKA a LIE ) to criticize his action is logically stupid.

    What I find most disturbing are the millions who fall for this obvious logical fallacy. This is the very reason the MSM is called "Fake News" .

    P.S. When somebody does a bad job you fire them……. Could that possibly be why Marie Yovanovitch was fired?

    The only correct and accurate meaning of anybody's words are the ones intended by the speaker not the false narratives used to push a political agenda.

    The words "Take her out" is nothing more then hyperbole. Like saying "The Seattle Seahawks killed the Tigers 47 to 0"

    What I find most disturbing are the millions who fall for this Main Stream Media Bull Ship…

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