Guillermo at the Oscars

Guillermo at the Oscars


THE OSCARS HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. ALL THE STARS WERE ALIGNED ON THE RED CARPET. AND ONCE AGAIN WHO WAS THERE TO REALIGN THEM? NONE OTHER THAN OUR AMIGO GUILLERMO, WHO FILED THIS REPORT. ♪>>Guillermo: HI, IT’S ME GUILLERMO. I’M HERE AT THE OSCARS. AND IT’S TIME TO GO BANANAS WITH DON JULIO 1942. HI, HOW ARE YOU?>>HI, GUILLERMO.>>Guillermo: HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>I’M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?>>Guillermo: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.>>THANK YOU.>>Guillermo: ARE YOU HAPPY FOR WHITE PEOPLE THIS YEAR?>>HAPPY FOR WHITE PEOPLE?>>Guillermo: YEAH. THEY’RE ALL NOMINATED. IT SEEMS LIKE THIS IS THE YEAR. [ LAUGHTER ]>>IT’S THEIR YEAR EVERY YEAR. RIGHT?>>Guillermo: MOST OF THE TIME.>>YEAH, MOST OF THE TIME.>>Guillermo: IS HITLER COOL?>>NO.>>Guillermo: NO?>>HE’S AN ABSOLUTE PSYCHO.>>Guillermo: HI, AL PACINO.>>GOOD TO SEE YOU.>>Guillermo: HOW ARE YOU?>>VERY WELL.>>Guillermo: ARE YOU AFRAID OF AL PACINO?>>I’M TERRIFIED OF HIM. IS HE HERE?>>Guillermo: WHO’S MORE CUTE, BABY YODA OR ME?>>BABY YODA.>>Guillermo: YOU KNOW MERYL STREEP, RIGHT?>>I DO.>>Guillermo: SHE’S NOT NOMINATED THIS YEAR.>>I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. SHE SHOULD BE NOMINATED FOR WALKING DOWN THE STREET.>>Guillermo: I SAW IT TOO. SO I MADE HER A CARD AND I WANT EVERYBODY TO SIGN IT.>>YEAH, THAT’S SWEET. I THINK THIS IS REALLY GOING TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.>>Guillermo: SIGN OVER HERE SO SHE CAN FEEL BETTER.>>THAT’S LOVELY.>>Guillermo: ANYTHING YOU’D LIKE TO SAY TO MERYL STREEP?>>YES. YOU’RE A LOSER THIS YEAR BUT YOU’RE GOING TO GET ‘EM NEXT TIME.>>THANK YOU SO MUCH.>>I LOVE MERYL STREEP AND I THINK SHE’S ALWAYS A WINNER. SO THAT’S WHY I’M NOT GOING TO SIGN THIS [ BLEEP ] CARD.>>Guillermo: OH, OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? ARE YOU PRESENTING?>>I’M PRESENTING. I’M SO NERVOUS AND EXCITED.>>Guillermo: I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU.>>OKAY.>>Guillermo: HERE.>>WHY DIDN’T THE STAR OF “JOKER” TAKE A LIMO? BECAUSE HE PREFERRED JOAQUIN. THAT’S GREAT.>>WHY ARE THE LITTLE WOMEN SO LITTLE?>>Guillermo: WHY?>>BECAUSE THEY WEAR SPANX.>>WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU TAKE ONE POPE AND ADD ANOTHER POPE?>>Guillermo: WHAT DO YOU GET?>>TWO POPES.>>Guillermo: I DIDN’T SEE THAT MOVIE “PARASITE” BECAUSE I HAVE A MOTHER-IN-LAW.>>WHAT’S THIS?>>Guillermo: CAN YOU TRANSLATE?>>OH. SO SAD.>>YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT RIGHT NOW?>>Guillermo: YEAH, READ IT.>>”1917″ IS NOT JUST A MOVIE. IT’S ALSO THE NUMBER OF TIMES I HAD TO PEE DURING “THE IRISHMAN.” THEN YOU HOLD LIKE THAT AND THEN YOU RELEASE.>>Guillermo: HOW ARE YOU?>>I’M OKAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>Guillermo: ARE WE GETTING BACK TOGETHER OR WHAT?>>DID WE BREAK UP?>>Guillermo: YEAH, WE DID.>>I DIDN’T KNOW THAT.>>Guillermo: YEAH. I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU. OKAY? LOOK. READ IT.>>SHOULD I TRY THIS? GRPTD YEAH. TRY IT.>>HE’S A CLEVER FELLOW.>>Guillermo: TRY IT.>>I’LL TRY IT. I’LL TRY TO IT TONIGHT.>>Guillermo: I’LL READ IT. WHAT DOES BRAD PITT SWEAT FROM? HIS PIT. I’M SO FUNNY.>>Guillermo: ROBERT! ROBERT DE NIRO RIGHT HERE! ROBERT! THE IRISHMAN DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO THE MEXICAN. HI. HOW ARE YOU? YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.>>THANK YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?>>Guillermo: I’M INTERVIEWING YOU. YOU WANT TO GO BANANA TONIGHT?>>WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?>>Guillermo: HERE. LET’S GO BANANA TONIGHT. REAL QUICK.>>HOW MANY OTHER LIPS HAVE TOUCHED THIS?>>Guillermo: YOU’RE THE FIRST ONE. I PROMISE.>>YOU’RE A LIAR.>>Guillermo: I SWEAR.>>WHAT’S INSIDE? I GUESS WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT.>>Guillermo: TEQUILA.>>IT’S SMOOTH.>>Guillermo: YEAH.>>OH, MY GOD. IS THAT TEQUILA IN THAT BANANA?>>YEAH.>>I’M DOING IT.>>Guillermo: I ALWAYS KEEP TEQUILA IN MY BANANA.>>HOW MANY PEOPLE PUT THEIR MOUTHS ON THIS?>>Guillermo: NO ONE. SO FAR NOBODY. YOU’RE GOING TO BE THE FIRST ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK OUT OF MY BANANA?>>NO. THAT SOUNDS FOUL.>>Guillermo: NO?>>NO.>>Guillermo: HOLD ON. I’M GETTING A PHONE CALL. I THINK IT’S FOR YOU. IN THIS TEQUILA.>>HELLO. WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU.>>Guillermo: LIKE THAT.>>AMAZING. DID YOU MAKE THIS?>>Guillermo: YEAH. IT’S MEXICAN TECHNOLOGY. [ LAUGHTER ]>>WOW. THAT’S VERY GOOD.>>OH!>>I CANNOT DRINK RIGHT NOW.>>Guillermo: NO?>>NO. I’VE GOT TO WORK, MAN.>>Guillermo: OKAY. WHAT ABOUT REGULAR ONE? YOU’RE MY KIND OF GIRL. CHARLIZE, HOW ARE YOU?>>WHERE’S MY SHOT?>>Guillermo: IN THE BANANA.>>OH, MY GOD.>>Guillermo: TEQUILA’S CALLING YOU.>>OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HOW MANY OF THESE DO YOU HAVE? LET ME PAT YOU DOWN.>>OKAY. THAT WAS GOOD. I’M SO GLAD I MET YOU TONIGHT.>>Guillermo: ONE MORE JOKE. THIS IS IRISH. WHAT DID THE IRISHMAN SAY TO THE MEXICAN? LET’S GET DRUNK. I LIKE YOU, MAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE SHOW?>>I WON’T BE WITH YOU.>>Guillermo: ALL RIGHT.>>BUT I’LL GIVE YOU A KISS.>>Guillermo: THANK YOU. I JUST GOT TO FIRST BASE WITH HARVEY KEITEL. THAT’S IT FROM THE RED CARPET. EVERYBODY LOVES DRINKING FROM MY BANANA. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THAT’S HOW WE GAVE EVERYONE IN HOLLYWOOD THE FLU. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.

100 thoughts to “Guillermo at the Oscars”

  1. One think: Guillermo is the coolest interviewer in the game

    Second think: Sigourney weather is younger than ever, i see her 10 years ago in Morocco and she was the same beauty face.

  2. For next year I'm going to work my ass off to be in an Academy Award nominated film so that I can have a tequila shot with Guillermo. After that, I'm retiring.

  3. What did the Irishman say when he walked into the bar? "I'm glad I bumped into you Guillermo, may I have a few shots from your banana, phone, flask, bottle, shot glass…"

  4. we love u Guillermo! Te amamos guillermo!
    私たちはあなたを愛していますGuillermo, ti amiamo Guillermo,
    我们爱你吉列尔莫, on t'aime Guillermo, мы любим тебя Гильермо, نحن نحبك غييرمو

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